I’ve been ready to get married to Justin since I was 21. We met in college and the first time I thought he may propose was our senior year at my sorority spring formal. By “I thought” I mean the first time my imagination took off with the idea of love = proposal + marriage. It was not inspired by any serious conversations we had as a couple, it was all created in my fairy tale inspired imagination.
Fast forward to Christmas Eve 2018, I’m 33, still completely in love and ready to get married and he popped the question! The bliss and happiness that followed for the following week was intoxicating. Finally being on the same page and beginning our happily ever after sparked things I’ve never felt before, our relationship immediately felt different, more validated, secure and intertwined.
In early January Justin’s great uncle passed away and we traveled to North Carolina for the funeral and during the road trip it hit me – I have to get buried with HIS family now. I know the rational part of your brain – and mine too now that I’ve processed it – this may sound insane to care about, but it was the trigger to make me realize drastic changes are coming and sacrifices will be made.
Now before you get on your soap box saying, “Julie, marriage is about more than a ring or a certificate, if you were ready for marriage you would know that and would have processed these emotions already!” I know girl, I know. Here’s the deal, the evolved part of my brain has known I want to be married to Justin and build a life together, but the other half of my brain took over and was immediately filling my body with anxiety about the impending changes. I have to give up my condo and space that’s just mine, I have to give up my last name, is that the same as giving up my identity? Am I giving up my independence? My privacy? Is wearing this ring a sign of ownership? I won’t be buried next to my mom + dad? These thoughts are childish and selfish, but emotions I had to process none the less. Obviously I’m gaining so much more than I’m sacrificing, but there was still a little mourning process.
After giving myself a couple days to feel all the feelings and google to find other people experiencing these feelings I knew the way back to the path to joy…jump in head first. I’m a big advocate for doing it scared. Starting towards the outcome you dream of without all the details worked out. I’m scared of changing my name, so rip the Band-Aid off and start a blog with my new name. Of course I won’t legally change it until after I Do, but I can start getting used to the new name by sharing wedding planning details, life updates and my favorite things on this blog.
Everyone posts their highlight reel to social media, me included, but there’s so much more to the story than the highlight reel. Life changes are messy, but a beautiful mess. I can’t wait to get back to documenting my life through blogging and sharing it with you. I share so you know you aren’t alone in hard times and I share so you can celebrate the good times with me. Thank you for reading along and welcome to the launch of juliekinsland.com.
I had a blog, Sweet Home Nashville, years ago and plan to eventually move the content over, but added the link in case you want a peak at old school Julie.